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Bruno's GQ Advice Column

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Our favorite fashionista has doffed his duds, posing nude on the July cover of GQ. Inside, Bruno takes the reins of the advice column in an outrageous Q&A session.

Tidbits from Bruno's GQ Advice Column:

Hey, Bruno, I recently started collecting unemployment. Any style tips for someone on a tight budget?
Times are hard, but if you shop around und are prepared to vear some things twice before throwing zem avay, it is still possible to look good on a clothing budget of about $20,000 a veek. Ich mean, obwiously you vill need a bit more zan zat if you are planning on leaving ze house.

Dear Bruno, where should I be putting my iPhone? The wife says the belt clip is totally out, But it looks like a tuna sandwich in my pocket. Anyplace else?
Vhat ein stupid question. Keep it in your assistant's pocket, obwiously.

Dear Bruno, I am shocked by the cost of jeans these days. I saw one pair that retailed for $700 - how is that possible?
Zat's ze great thing abaus ze recession - stores are cutting zeir prices.

Dear Bruno, how can I get some "Efron hair"? Or at least some "Pattinson hair"?
Ich vouldn't bother getting a Zac Efron hairstyle right now, cos ich am about to change mine and he's certain to copy me again. In terms of grooming, ze only thing he hasn't copied me with ist getting his ballensack pierced - vell, he hadn't had it done ze last time ich saw him.

Dear Bruno, what do you sleep in?
In reality, ich sleep in a seaweed body wrap under a Zac Posen Navy-Cut Nightshirt. In mein dreams, ich sleep naked in a giant reed basket drifting slowly down ze Nile, cradled in ze arms of Daniel Radcliffe.

Dear Bruno, what is your definition of "creative black tie"?
Okay, off ze top of mein head - a yellow Adrienne Landau printed chinchilla rex rabbit newsboy hat, worn mit ein Cynthia Steffe blue-violet velvet cadet jacket over a Cavalli back-belted chunky oatmeal sweater vest on top of a Cacharel gala shirt in silver, matched mit John Varvatos stretchtwill-brocade sailor pants over Stella McCartney patent snakeskin monk shoes offset by Costume National elbow-length leather gloves, und to accessorize, maybe a rudraksha-bead twenty-two-karat white-gold Neil Lane Infinity Pendant. Simple. Timeless. Classic.

The July issue of GQ is in stores now. Bruno hits theatres July 10.

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